my manic and i

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Sometimes I meet people and wish I knew all about them. What makes them who they are. What they believe. Their opinion on the world. I have thousand of questions I want their answer to. They just captivate me and I am drawn in.

It takes a while to get them off my mind. I think it is a passion inside of them. Whether they recognize it within themselves...it is there, I feel it and lust after it. Every part of me longs for a taste.

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I dwell a lot on the past. Desperate to return to these moments I remember as being so wonderful. I hold them in my mind and remember small details and crave the feel of these seconds or minutes or hours. I let these moments creep into my now and devalue the worth of the present and throw it into chaos.

I don't trust that I'll have new moments, better moments, so I crawl into the comfortable shadows of the past. And it's almost real again. But time passes...bits and pieces blur...fade...and then disappear. And I have nothing to hold onto.

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I need shine, I need shine, I need shine, step away from my light, I need shine.

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I spend so much time searching for love and His is right there for me. And I avoid it at all costs. I'm trying to work on that. Accepting God's love and His grace and forgiveness.

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