lost winter

I've been going through this day in a new body.
one that doesn't make sense, it doesn't fit right.
I don't know how I got here and I don't know how to get back.
these aren't my eyes my hands my feelings.
I don't know where I am.
out of tune with the world, everything is different.
the house, the people. the thoughts in my head aren't my own.
I have been kidnapped and left in a foreign place.
no one is around to save me.
no one cares enough to ask why I'm here.
how I'm here.

they just pass by. these strangers living beside me.
they don't see me, ever. I don't know them.
I think I did. they seem vaguely familiar.
but I look into their eyes and see blankness.
indifference. no feeling. no want. no love.
never love. the surface is deceiving,
a look as if they are curious about me being in their life.
but no, that flicker of hope is gone in an instant.
and I remember it. so clearly, and I hold onto it
with all of my strength. I will not let that hope go.
being recognized for more then a person to pass by.
being recognized for Me.

myself unto myself. wanted. loved. felt.
maybe then I will feel complete.
more secure in this new body. these new feelings,
alien to myself. where did they come from? where did I go?
I touch my hand and it is not mine as once was.
no longer my own.
it sends chills up the arm. my mind is blank.
empty of old memories. old thoughts. what I used to be like.
what I use to feel. want. need. no more am I.
I have been tossed aside by everything
and everyone that I once knew.
they are done with me. I have been given new surroundings
that bare the face of the past but are different.
wrong. I feel nothing.



[] [] [] [] []


"We should go to my building,
you'll just say, 'what am I doing in this abandoned house?'"

So we went, and I did.


[] [] [] [] []


"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the LORD,
who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10

motorcycle drive by

Where's the soul, I want to know. new york city's evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this is the last time we'll be friends again.
And I'll get over you,
you'll wonder who I am.
And there's this burning, just like there's always been,
I've never been so alone and i've never been so alive.

I go home to the coast.
it starts to rain, I paddle out on the water, alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I'm not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes,
see this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me home,
And I've never been so alone, and I've never been so alive.


[] [] [] [] []


after all those years,
he was nothing like
i remembered, but
my heart leaped
across the gap anyway
without a moment's
hesitation.

Imagination

"You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared...

...And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy."

-excerpt of j.k. rowling's commencement speech at Harvard University.

well worth the read

wings of forgiveness

I just want you to know
After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
That I still love you:

Had to go
Across the water
Just to find
What was here in my heart all along
Spend so much time
Trying to be right
That I was dead wrong

If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors
Surely I can forgive you for your passion

You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

Had to run
To the arms of curiosity
Just to find
What was here in my life all along
I had found that the art of simplicity
Simply means making peace of your complexity

If Gandhi can forgive persecution
Surely you can forgive me for being so petty

I'm only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

I've searched for romance
Flowers and affection
What I found is a lesson
Of what love really is
Found the game of love is
Not about how much you can take
In fact authentic love is about
How much you can give

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
I want you to know
That I forgive you
(thank you for teaching how to give)

And I wanna let you know how much you changed my life
I wanna let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better cuz you taught me how to give

I took a swim
In the sea of guilt and misery
To find myself in an island
In the middle of nowhere
In my solitude
I asked to know the highest truth
And what I was told
Is to let own self be true

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion
Surely we can survive and find resolution

Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high, and fly high
Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of commitment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
I want you to know
That I still love you

And I wanna let you know how much you changed my life
I wanna let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better cuz you taught me how to give

I still love you
I want you to know
(And I always will love you)
And I wanna let you know
I forgive you
I wanna let you know
That I still love you

[india.arie]

hafiz

my eyes so soft

Don't
Surrender
Your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut more
Deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so
Tender,

My need of God
Absolutely
Clear.

[] [] [] [] []

too wonderful

No one could ever paint
A too wonderful
Picture

Of my heart
Or
God.

[] [] [] [] []

when you can endure

When
The words stop
And you can endure the silence

That reveals your heart's
Pain

Of emptiness
Or that great wrenching-sweet longing,

That is the time to try and listen
To what the Beloved's
Eyes

Most want
To

Say.

[] [] [] [] []

stop being so religious

What
Do sad people have in
Common?

It seems
They have all built a shrine
To the past

And often go there
And do a strange wail and
Worship.

What is the beginning of
Happiness?

It is to stop being
So religious

Like

That.

[] [] [] [] []

the sun never says

Even
After
All this time
The sun never says to the earth,


"You owe
Me."


Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.