excerpts

[] please remember me, happily []

at this moment, i feel happy and it is an amazing thing. i'm smiling at the thought of waking up tomorrow. it's so nice. also, i work with some incredible men.

[] please remember me, fondly []

sometimes, i feel really foolish and young. it's like i do something and realize right after how dumb it was. that instantaneous feeling of regret is a horrible, horrible pit in my stomach.

[] please remember me, at halloween []

a lot of time has been spent on the fact that i will only ever be able to look out of this body, think with this mind, and react with this perspective. i mean, i will never meet myself. i will never be able to view myself outside of myself. i will never be able to look down and see different hands attached to different arms connected to a head with different memories.

[] please remember me, mistakenly []

she was genuinely surprised that i don't smoke pot. i was not surprised at how little she knows about me. what little they do know is hardly their business. told to one, told to all.

[] please remember me, as in the dream []

sometimes i lay awake at night for hours. thinking. realizing great Truths and discovering new things about myself and the world. I get so into it, i space out. it takes me a moment to recognize that it's the middle of the night and i'm exhausted.

[] please remember me, my misery []

i know my fear. it comforts me. and keeps progress at a standstill. i don't change. i don't adapt. i crawl further into the fear. into my thoughts. into my self. blocking out the world. dark. quiet. alone. still. for ever. if i could, i would stay in one place and let the world go on around me. and just watch.

[] please remember me, seldomly []

some moments i am incredibly overwhelmed by how utterly alone i am. i am stuck in it.

[] please remember me, finally []

i can't remember when i've been this content. with me. myself unto myself. i'm growing and learning and living. it's warm. i feel easy here. home. i have made a new home and have not looked back. work is good. got a raise. feel hopeful.

[] [] [] [] []

please, remember me
finally
and all my uphill clawing
my dear
but if i make
the pearly gates
do my best to make a drawing
of God and Lucifer
a boy and girl
an angel kissing on a sinner
a monkey and a man
a marching band
all around the frightened trapeze swinger.

ReSpek: Far

your stitches are all out
but your scars are healing wrong
and the helium balloon inside your room has
come undone
and it's pushing up at the ceiling
and the flickering lights
it cannot get beyond

oh, everyone takes turns
now it's yours to play the part
and they're sitting all around you
holding copies of your chart
and the misery inside their eyes is
synchronized and reflecting it to yours

Hold on
One more time with feeling
Try it again
Breathing's just a rhythm
Say it in your mind until you know that the words
are right
This is why we fight

you thought by now you'd be
so much better than you are
you thought by now they'd see
that you have come so far

and the pride inside their eyes
would synchronize into a love you've never known
so much more than you've been shown

Hold on
One more time with feeling
Try it again
Breathing's just a rhythm
Say it in your mind until you know that the words
are right
This is why we fight

[] [] [] [] []

hey this fire, it's burning, burning us up

the weight of words

_you get the weight of everything wrong. you have to guess all the time whether things are heavy or light, especially the things inside you, and you get it wrong, and it puts people off. i'm tired of it.

[] [] [page.one.nine.six] [] []

_i may not know the weight of many things, but i could feel the weight of that one, so i kept it to myself. you know that things aren't going well for you when you can't even tell people the simplest fact about your life, just because they'll presume you're asking them to feel sorry for you. i suppose it's why you feel so far away from everyone, in the end; anything you can think of to tell them just ends up making them feel terrible.

[] [] [page.one.nine.nine] [] []

the art of contempt

all artists are prepared to suffer for their work, but why are so few prepared to learn to draw?

[] [] [] [] []

TeeFury is a site that puts up a new tee every day for sale. the comments below each daily display come from a wide variety people from all over the world...it is always interesting to read the critiques and compliments on the daily art and there have been several instances where they have uncovered that the 'artist' has ripped off their designs. this discovery can happen within minutes of it's midnight release and it's always cause for excitement and diatribes.

[] [] [] [] []

The Latest Incident occurred this past Saturday and began a heated 24 hour long debate on ethics. [the legitimacy of Shepard Fairey and Andy Warhol as artists is called into question starting around hour 12]. What I appreciate the most is how clear it is to see who among the people commenting are artists. They recognize what is at risk. Plus, the attempts the accused makes at recovering is always laughable and/or grossly pathetic. Well worth the read.

In the past, these cases have been fixed by the administrators pulling the offensive tee and coinciding comments and replacing it with a Dead Bird tee [depicts the teefury bird dead to signify the mistake]. Due to the holiday weekend, however, no one was around the necessary equipment thereby securing this tee and the valuable moral lesson a place in the annals of TeeFury via the Archive link.

[] [] [] [] []

It's always easier to get forgiveness than permission


[the exclusion: acts of plagiarism]