eighty eight

O Lord, God of my salvation;
I cry out day and night before you.
Let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry!

For my soul is full of troubles,
and my life draws near to Sheol.
I am counted among those who go
down to the pit;
I am a man who has no strength,
like one set loose among the dead,
like the slain that lie in the grave,
like those whom you remember no
more,
for they are cut off from your hand.
You have put me in the depths of the
pit,
in the regions dark and deep.
Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
and you overwhelm me with all
your waves.

You have caused my companions to
shun me;
you have made me a horror to them,
I am shut in so that I cannot escape;
my eye grows dim through sorrow.
Every day I call upon you, O Lord;
I spread out my hand to you.
Do you work wonders for the dead?
Do the departed rise up to praise
you?
Is your steadfast love declared in the
grave,
or your faithfulness in Abaddon?
Are your wonders known in the
darkness,
or your righteousness in the land of
forgetfulness?

But I, O Lord, cry to you;
in the morning my prayer comes
before you.
O Lord, why do you cast my soul
away?
Why do you hide your face from me?
Afflicted and close to death from my
youth up,
I suffer your terrors; I am helpless.
Your wrath has swept over me;
your dreadful assaults destroy me.
They surround me like a flood all day
long;
they close in on me together.
You have caused my beloved and my
friend to shun me;
my companions have become
darkness.

[] [] [] [] []

Don't much get down to the avenue
I could drive, but it takes so much to get there
Dont get off on all the broken glass,
the Cadillac scene,
Well, I've seen a lot of good things die and
I'm in an over emotional way

So please hand me the bottle,
I think I'm lonely now
And please give me direction,
I think the hurt set in
And I don't feel nothing

bother

twenty five

[] [] [] [] []

she held her grief behind her eyes like an
ocean & when she leaned forward into the
day it spilled onto the floor & she wiped at
it quickly with her foot & pretended no one
had seen.

[] [] [] [] []

teeth and shoes

[] [] [] [] []

And everyone keeps saying
Nothing helps but time
Time is all I own
The timings stop replaying over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it
'Cause I see now
It's just one of those days

Now a year has passed
Alone I stay inside
And I await the rain
To wash away your face
So I don't have to hide
The sight of you is painful

[] [] [] [] []

time doesn't heal as much as it buries things
in the undergrowth of your brain,
where they lie in wait to ambush you
when you least expect it.

[] [] [] [] []

dear jon

Garfield[minus]Garfield

posers.

I notice that it is only when my mother is working in her flowers that she is radiant, almost to the point of being invisible-except as Creator: hand and eye. She is involved in work her soul must have. Ordering the universe in the image of her personal conception of Beauty.

[alice.walker]

this is the only real difference.

we sleep all day

Hello, I know there's someone out there
Who can understand
And who's feeling the same way as me
I'm twenty-four and I've got everything to live for
But I know now that it wasn't meant to be
cause all has been lost and all has been won
And there's nothing left for us to save
But now I know that I don't want to be alone today
So if you find that you've been feeling just the same

Call me now it's alright
It's just the end of the world
You need a friend in the world
cause you can't hide
So call and I'll get right back
If your intentions are pure
I'm seeking a friend for the end of the world

I've got a photograph, I'll send it off today
And you will see that I am perfectly sane
Not for a lifetime or forever and a day
cause we know now that just won't be the case
There will be no commitment and no confessions
And no little secrets to keep
No little children or houses with roses
Just the end of the world and me
cause all has been gone and all has been done
And there's nothing left for us to say
But we could be together as they blow it all away
And we can share in every moment as it breaks

Call me now it's alright
It's just the end of the world
You need a friend in the world
cause you can't hide
So call and I'll get right back
If your intentions are pure
I'm seeking a friend for the end of the world

[] [] [] [] []

see also: one of those days

[] [] [] [] []

hold on to whatever you find
hold on to whatever will get you through

enlist

[] [] [] [] []

Castaways and cutouts, fill it up
Come join the Youth and Beauty Brigade
Nothing will stand in our way

[] [] [] [] []

looking forward

[] [] [] [] []

i want a change.

[] [] [] [] []

I've been walking in the same way as I do
Missing all the cracks in the pavement
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet
"Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I could call?"
"No and thank you, please Madam. I ain't lost, just wandering"

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I've met

Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides

Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united
Shows that we ain't gonna take it
Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I've met

Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world

[] [] [] [] []

i need a change.

[] [] [] [] []

to write love on her arms

"...maybe God doesn't look down and see this giant bunch of people. maybe God looks down and sees your story and my story. individuals. our dreams and fears and pains and hopes and all the things that make us unique. our questions and our favorite songs. these things matter so much. and somehow maybe we're all connected, everyone there in that field last night, more across a world right now. perhaps we're all in this together, part of a bigger story, one not over yet but still being told. hope still happening and all of us invited..."

[] [] [] [] []

www.twloha.com

[] [] [] [] []

choke

[] [] [] [] []

"Griping isn't the same as creating something. Rebelling isn't rebuilding. Ridiculing isn't replacing...

We've taken the world apart but we have no idea what to do with the pieces...

My generation, all of our making fun of things isn't making the world any better. We've spent so much time judging what other people created that we've created very, very little of our own.

I used rebellion as a way to hide out. We use criticism as a fake participation. It only looks as if we've accomplished something... "


[] [] [] [] []

"you know the old phrase 'Those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it'? Well, i think those who remember their past are even worse off."

In voice-over Paige says, "Those who remember the past tend to get the story really screwed up."

She looks up, twisting to see Paige behind the wheelchair, and says, "In my opinion, those who remember the past are paralyzed by it."

[chuck.palahniuk]

one of these things is not like the other

weekend entertainment:

hard candy

a guide to recognizing your saints

half nelson

lars and the real girl

in the land of women

[] [] [] [] []

one of these things just doesn't belong.

the fear you won't fall

digging a hole
and the walls are caving in,
behind me

air's getting thin
but i'm trying, i'm breathing in
come find me

it hasn't felt like this before
it hasn't felt like home
before you

and i know it's easy to say
but it's harder to feel this way

and i miss you more than i should
than i thought i would
can't get my mind off of you

i know you're scared
that i'll soon be over it
that's part of it all
part of the beauty
of falling in love with you
is the fear you won't fall

it hasn't felt like this before
it hasn't felt like home
before you

and i know it's easy to say
but it's harder feel this way

and i miss you more than i should
than i thought i would
can't get my mind off of you

and i hate the phone
but i wished you'd call
thought being alone
was better than, was better than

and i know it's easy to say
but it's harder feel this way

and i miss you more than i should
than i thought i would
can't get my mind off of you

and i miss you more than i should
than i thought i could
can't get my mind off of you

[] [] [] [] []

tomorrow night [or tonight] is a concert that i have been looking forward to for months. one of my favorite artists...and i completely forgot about it. so i will not be attending this very cheap concert in a very good venue, because when it rains, it pours.

[] [] [] [] []

child you're a beauty.

[] [] [] [] []

old sentiments from a five minute friend

"we mostly talked about how retarded girls are and how he wants one"

[] [] [] [] []

invite me to your wedding because i think its gonna be one hell of a party.

[and]

all i want is to love and to be loved.
to hold. to kiss. to tell someone i love them.
i want to feel that if i die tomorrow, there is someone
that i will be willing to fight my way out of heaven for.
just to see their beautiful eyes, or hear their perfect voice
one more time. just once more...

[] [] [] [] []

circa 2004

any given thursday

I fully support Rolling Stone's opinion that John Mayer is a living legend on the guitar.

[his voice doesn't suck, either]


Colbie Caillat:

partial setlist
The Little Things
Bubbly
Realize
Feelings Show
Battle
Tailor Made
Magic

John Mayer:

Belief
No Such Thing into Why Georgia
Waiting on the World to Change
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
Free Falling
Bigger Than My Body
Mercy
Vultures
Heart of Life
Stitched Up
Crossroads
Gravity

encore
Bold As Love (solo)
Wind Cries Mary (solo)
Wheel (full band)
Say (full band)

04108

i close my eyes and see my home and thank God,
for He has allowed me to remember every rock.

[] [] [] [] []

His perfect timing was a lifetime sooner than i would have hoped.

Had i known, i would have enjoyed a few more lobsters and ferry rides.

and wharf rats.

the fear you won't fall

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

[c.s.lewis]

lost winter

I've been going through this day in a new body.
one that doesn't make sense, it doesn't fit right.
I don't know how I got here and I don't know how to get back.
these aren't my eyes my hands my feelings.
I don't know where I am.
out of tune with the world, everything is different.
the house, the people. the thoughts in my head aren't my own.
I have been kidnapped and left in a foreign place.
no one is around to save me.
no one cares enough to ask why I'm here.
how I'm here.

they just pass by. these strangers living beside me.
they don't see me, ever. I don't know them.
I think I did. they seem vaguely familiar.
but I look into their eyes and see blankness.
indifference. no feeling. no want. no love.
never love. the surface is deceiving,
a look as if they are curious about me being in their life.
but no, that flicker of hope is gone in an instant.
and I remember it. so clearly, and I hold onto it
with all of my strength. I will not let that hope go.
being recognized for more then a person to pass by.
being recognized for Me.

myself unto myself. wanted. loved. felt.
maybe then I will feel complete.
more secure in this new body. these new feelings,
alien to myself. where did they come from? where did I go?
I touch my hand and it is not mine as once was.
no longer my own.
it sends chills up the arm. my mind is blank.
empty of old memories. old thoughts. what I used to be like.
what I use to feel. want. need. no more am I.
I have been tossed aside by everything
and everyone that I once knew.
they are done with me. I have been given new surroundings
that bare the face of the past but are different.
wrong. I feel nothing.



[] [] [] [] []


"We should go to my building,
you'll just say, 'what am I doing in this abandoned house?'"

So we went, and I did.


[] [] [] [] []


"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the LORD,
who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10

motorcycle drive by

Where's the soul, I want to know. new york city's evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this is the last time we'll be friends again.
And I'll get over you,
you'll wonder who I am.
And there's this burning, just like there's always been,
I've never been so alone and i've never been so alive.

I go home to the coast.
it starts to rain, I paddle out on the water, alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I'm not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes,
see this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me home,
And I've never been so alone, and I've never been so alive.


[] [] [] [] []


after all those years,
he was nothing like
i remembered, but
my heart leaped
across the gap anyway
without a moment's
hesitation.

Imagination

"You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared...

...And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy."

-excerpt of j.k. rowling's commencement speech at Harvard University.

well worth the read

wings of forgiveness

I just want you to know
After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
That I still love you:

Had to go
Across the water
Just to find
What was here in my heart all along
Spend so much time
Trying to be right
That I was dead wrong

If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors
Surely I can forgive you for your passion

You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

Had to run
To the arms of curiosity
Just to find
What was here in my life all along
I had found that the art of simplicity
Simply means making peace of your complexity

If Gandhi can forgive persecution
Surely you can forgive me for being so petty

I'm only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

I've searched for romance
Flowers and affection
What I found is a lesson
Of what love really is
Found the game of love is
Not about how much you can take
In fact authentic love is about
How much you can give

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
I want you to know
That I forgive you
(thank you for teaching how to give)

And I wanna let you know how much you changed my life
I wanna let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better cuz you taught me how to give

I took a swim
In the sea of guilt and misery
To find myself in an island
In the middle of nowhere
In my solitude
I asked to know the highest truth
And what I was told
Is to let own self be true

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion
Surely we can survive and find resolution

Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high, and fly high
Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of commitment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
I want you to know
That I still love you

And I wanna let you know how much you changed my life
I wanna let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better cuz you taught me how to give

I still love you
I want you to know
(And I always will love you)
And I wanna let you know
I forgive you
I wanna let you know
That I still love you

[india.arie]

hafiz

my eyes so soft

Don't
Surrender
Your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut more
Deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human
Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so
Tender,

My need of God
Absolutely
Clear.

[] [] [] [] []

too wonderful

No one could ever paint
A too wonderful
Picture

Of my heart
Or
God.

[] [] [] [] []

when you can endure

When
The words stop
And you can endure the silence

That reveals your heart's
Pain

Of emptiness
Or that great wrenching-sweet longing,

That is the time to try and listen
To what the Beloved's
Eyes

Most want
To

Say.

[] [] [] [] []

stop being so religious

What
Do sad people have in
Common?

It seems
They have all built a shrine
To the past

And often go there
And do a strange wail and
Worship.

What is the beginning of
Happiness?

It is to stop being
So religious

Like

That.

[] [] [] [] []

the sun never says

Even
After
All this time
The sun never says to the earth,


"You owe
Me."


Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.