excerpts

[] please remember me, happily []

at this moment, i feel happy and it is an amazing thing. i'm smiling at the thought of waking up tomorrow. it's so nice. also, i work with some incredible men.

[] please remember me, fondly []

sometimes, i feel really foolish and young. it's like i do something and realize right after how dumb it was. that instantaneous feeling of regret is a horrible, horrible pit in my stomach.

[] please remember me, at halloween []

a lot of time has been spent on the fact that i will only ever be able to look out of this body, think with this mind, and react with this perspective. i mean, i will never meet myself. i will never be able to view myself outside of myself. i will never be able to look down and see different hands attached to different arms connected to a head with different memories.

[] please remember me, mistakenly []

she was genuinely surprised that i don't smoke pot. i was not surprised at how little she knows about me. what little they do know is hardly their business. told to one, told to all.

[] please remember me, as in the dream []

sometimes i lay awake at night for hours. thinking. realizing great Truths and discovering new things about myself and the world. I get so into it, i space out. it takes me a moment to recognize that it's the middle of the night and i'm exhausted.

[] please remember me, my misery []

i know my fear. it comforts me. and keeps progress at a standstill. i don't change. i don't adapt. i crawl further into the fear. into my thoughts. into my self. blocking out the world. dark. quiet. alone. still. for ever. if i could, i would stay in one place and let the world go on around me. and just watch.

[] please remember me, seldomly []

some moments i am incredibly overwhelmed by how utterly alone i am. i am stuck in it.

[] please remember me, finally []

i can't remember when i've been this content. with me. myself unto myself. i'm growing and learning and living. it's warm. i feel easy here. home. i have made a new home and have not looked back. work is good. got a raise. feel hopeful.

[] [] [] [] []

please, remember me
finally
and all my uphill clawing
my dear
but if i make
the pearly gates
do my best to make a drawing
of God and Lucifer
a boy and girl
an angel kissing on a sinner
a monkey and a man
a marching band
all around the frightened trapeze swinger.