lost winter

I've been going through this day in a new body.
one that doesn't make sense, it doesn't fit right.
I don't know how I got here and I don't know how to get back.
these aren't my eyes my hands my feelings.
I don't know where I am.
out of tune with the world, everything is different.
the house, the people. the thoughts in my head aren't my own.
I have been kidnapped and left in a foreign place.
no one is around to save me.
no one cares enough to ask why I'm here.
how I'm here.

they just pass by. these strangers living beside me.
they don't see me, ever. I don't know them.
I think I did. they seem vaguely familiar.
but I look into their eyes and see blankness.
indifference. no feeling. no want. no love.
never love. the surface is deceiving,
a look as if they are curious about me being in their life.
but no, that flicker of hope is gone in an instant.
and I remember it. so clearly, and I hold onto it
with all of my strength. I will not let that hope go.
being recognized for more then a person to pass by.
being recognized for Me.

myself unto myself. wanted. loved. felt.
maybe then I will feel complete.
more secure in this new body. these new feelings,
alien to myself. where did they come from? where did I go?
I touch my hand and it is not mine as once was.
no longer my own.
it sends chills up the arm. my mind is blank.
empty of old memories. old thoughts. what I used to be like.
what I use to feel. want. need. no more am I.
I have been tossed aside by everything
and everyone that I once knew.
they are done with me. I have been given new surroundings
that bare the face of the past but are different.
wrong. I feel nothing.



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"We should go to my building,
you'll just say, 'what am I doing in this abandoned house?'"

So we went, and I did.


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"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed," says the LORD,
who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10